tell me
tell me if it was all worthwhile. what happened to you? you were up there one moment, and out the back door the next. four became three, and you wanted to become one with another. just look at what you've become, will you? you've left us for someone else. we're not against her, but we're against you ditching us all for her. is it really worth it? i can't look you in the eye now. you disgust me, really. i thought you were above this. is there only room in your life for one? what about those of us who were there from the start? are we nothing to you now?
if this is how it is, then so be it. i think i've bottled up long enough. really. the others might not say anything about it. but you know i won't do that. it's not me. and it doesn't mean we'll cut all ties. just know, that when you've finally seen the light and realised that it won't work out, we'll be here for you. we've always been, you know, with open arms.
cos you were one of us.
4:24 PM
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singing songs
When I'm Missing You
by A1
Sunday morning,time to say goodbye
But I'll be home real soon
Though I'm leaving
Girl don't start to cry
I'll be thinking of you
It's a lonely ride on a midnight train
I'm counting down the days till I'm home again
How can i sing when my words have run dry
How can i smile with a tear in my eye
Summer's so lost when it's raining in June
That's how it feels when I'm missing you
Now time ain't healing
Another week gone by
Girl, It feels like a year
I've been calling, every day and night
How I wish you were here
It's a lonely ride on the midnight train
I'm counting down the days till I'm home again
How can I sing when my words have run dry
How can I smile with a tear in my eye
Summer's so lost when it's raining in June
That's how it feels when I'm missing you.
I've never met a girl who was so damn sweet
Can't wait to see you again oooh
I never had a love that was so complete
And you know that I'll be dreaming till then
Oh my baby...
I said tell me now baby,
How can I sing when my words have run dry
How can I smile it's a tear in my eye
Summer's so lost when it's raining in June
That's how it feels when I'm missing you
2:22 PM
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of matches and letters
how amusing. i walk by and ask what's the score and chelsea equalise. how cool. [: pretty good match overall, 1-1. though eugene will say man utd should've won, i'm not going to bother saying chelsea should've won because we know it. haha. words are only words, after all. they don't change the scoreline. happy watching from bangkok!
i shall do a quiz then head to bed. hmmm. wasn't watching the second half but replying cow's letter. grrr. and my reply's long. so there.
1)How old do you wish you are?
old enough to make my own decisions, young enough to be free
2)What do you do when the vending machines steals your money?
call the company for a refund. seriously.
3)Do you count yourself kind?
...you think? at times, i reckon. that's at best. i'm evil, you should know that.
4) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
i'm already fluent in speaking the cow language; i talk to cows. and other animals too! hmmm. french. [:
5) Do you know your neighbours?
guess so.
6) Do you follow your horoscope?
how do i put this...? no.
7) Would you move for the person you loved?
i guess? (oh see past the nonchalance)
8) Do you believe that opposites attract?
at times. not always. there's a balance. think i've blogged about this before, somewhere.
9) Favorite channel(s)?
16-19, 60. occasionally 23 and 24. haha. you know what those are right?
10) Favorite place to go on weekends?
church. but not serene. grrr. macs will kill me and get me fat.
11) Showers or Baths?
baths! long nice hot baths!
12) Do you paint your nails?
yeah, black. i'm emo and stuff. i'll get eyeliner too! -.-
13) Do you trust people easily?
yeah. surprisingly. actually, no. but i have a good sense of judgment so i know who i can trust, and i trust those people easily. yupp. makes sense?
14) What are your phobias?
ask sis. she has a list i think.
15) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
used to. not now. we have stupid blogs like these. i keep a mental journal though.
16) Where would you rather be right now?
someone i shall not tell you cos this is public. [: go figure.
17) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy?
HAHAHAHA. not telling you. duh.
18) Heavy or light sleeper?
somewhere in the middle.
19) Are you paranoid?
gee. cow definitely thinks so.
20) Are you impatient?
no. my acts of 'impatience' are perfectly justified. waiting 2 hours for a cab isn't patience; it's stupidity. so there.
21) What's your favorite pick-up line?
i'm too good for those. [: haha. kidding. i think they're stupid, so i'll stick to "hi." works everytime! seriously. esp with 18 year old people. eeps.
22) What's your main ring tone on your mobile?
mae - giving it away.
23) What were you doing at midnight last night?
waiting for cow to get online, watching tv, smsing. yeah.
24) What did the last text on your cellphone say?
"Haha. i dunno la. doesn't matter. it's still so long more. i'm gonna sleep already:) nights _____" _____ is censored for obvious reasons. wait, you might think wrong. it's just something i am not. yeah.
25) Most recent movie you watched?
casino royale. eeps. now i'm hooked on online poker!!! hahahaha. and i'm good okay!
26) Name three things you have on you at all times?
handphones, ring, specs (?) / clothes. -.-
27) What color are your bed sheets?
too lazy to check. my room light's almost never on anyway. and i only go in when it's dark and time to sleep. don't blame me for not knowing.
28) What is your favorite part of the chicken?
wing? breast sounds wrong but it's the part which i ask for when i order chicken rice.
29) I can't wait till...
_____________________________________. it's censored. and not one word. go figure.
30) How tall are you barefoot?
170.5cm
31) Do you own a gun?
watergun counts? i think my uber supersoaker's in the storeroom. [:
32) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
milk / milo.
33) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
_____land. hahaha. okay, pardon my weird fantasies. backpacking somewhere in the world i guess? that's ideal though.
34) Last thing you ate?
the mints they give at fish&co.
35) Does someone have a crush on you?
...don't wanna answer this. haha. we all know the answer to it. -.-
36) What's your favorite candy?
NOT CANDYCANES. -.- 18's enough. gummiworms!! or gummibears! or marshthingies! lol okay. i'm sleepy.
37) If you have three wishes, what would they be?
"first i want a million dollars, then a mudbath, then peace and harmony among all the tribes of the island." -timon, from timon and pumbaa! i love that show.
okay seriously. i will not tell you. if you know me you should know. haha. at least one, right?
you are in jail for twelve years.
i'm very sad.
twelve.
twelve?
twelve. such an odd number right?
i like beans.
2:06 AM
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Saturday, November 25, 2006
days and dates
i don't think this post belongs in this blog. but oh well.
i think i owe quite a few people birthday presents and all, and it got me started on wondering why such events were so significant and relevant to us. in reality, it is only but the marking of another year of existence; an alarm bell sounding out to us in the form of gift wrapped presents that we have one year less to live.
why the presents, and celebrations? why the cake and the wine? why the lunches and dinners? (pardon my cynicism; you know you'll get used to it.) what does the signifier signify? is there really cause to celebrate? each passing year you know you've lost more - friends, youth, the life that runs through your veins.
it is just a day. any other ordinary day. it is a day where people were born, are born, and will be born. there is nothing much unique about it, is there? you share the same birth day as many other people. nothing sets you apart. you are but one of 6 billion people in the world. that leaves an approximate average of 1.6 million people that share the same birthday as you.
but with each passing birthday and year, you know you've lasted one more year on this earth. you know that you exist in time, and you have the ability to make a difference with each day of your life. you realise that you feel emotions running through you, and you're so lost, but realise there is safety, comfort and solace in the arms of a loving God and Father. it means that there's still time to save the ones you love.
though it means you've been through more and lost more, you know that you've gained as well. you've seen more places, learnt more about the world and the human condition. you've made more connections with people, some of which turn into friends, and maybe more. it means you've made more people smile. it means that you've made the days of more people.
more than all that, it means you have not yet reached your destiny.
12:35 AM
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replies
haha. this counts as a blogpost.
joelle: no, you are scandalous. how are you ever going to explain to _____ if eugene becomes infertile?! haha. and you don't have crushes, only obsessions. [: that's enough proof that you are.
xue er: hmmm, TAWA, TAWS, TAWD. they exist, at present, as information that is confidential. but you are entitled to ask and find out on a non-public platform. haha.
eugene: YES. 8.5!!!! i have a brilliant plan. you know jerseys with numbers? let's go get! except ours will have 8.5 at the back! [: hahaha.
12:26 AM
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Wednesday, November 22, 2006
updates as demanded
joelle is scandalous. she ermm... cut off eugene's genealogy.
hahaha. let's have a debate on that. [:
chalet was pretty alright. chet, eugene and i invented a new sport. it's confidential though. and the pool outlet there sucks. the tables suck, and there are rubbishly long queues (not cues). haha. pardon the terrible pun. i shall admit, for once, i'm drunk on air. wait, no, i'm sleepy.
yeah. swam, played basketball, played bridge mostly. the kids rented DOA on the last night. BEACH VOLLEYBALL with girls in bikinis. -.- hormonal kids. eugene and i went walking around playing the new sport. but there was not enough people, so it wasn't fun. oh well...
went to sentosa today for joelle's birthday thingus. rahhh. i shall summarise what happened.
1) people were scandaling. and doing ermm, TAWA/TAWJ/TAWS/TAWD or whatever else there was. haha.
2) 8.5!!!!! swoooooon. right eugene? 8.5 is goooooooood. [: 8.5! 8.5! eightpointfive!!!!
3) birthday dinners are not meant to be had at kopitiam. mhmm. -.-
i'm too lazy to blog!!!
okay, i'm not. i need to read my secret letters from like, a cow that can write. shhh. not bad right? i'm going to win a noble prize for unveiling the writing cow.
12:46 AM
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Sunday, November 19, 2006
waiting for cow to get online so i can send her her letter and not be ermm, chased for it across the next few days.
lce in 90 minutes. and i haven't eaten.
busy busy.
i'm having weird dreams... nice dreams. but well, they'll only be dreams. dreams are dreams for a reason.
i'm listening to mae. lol. i think i like old songs. as in i'll like the songs more after 2-3 years and start listening to them over and over again. [:
1:15 PM
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surge at mos
...you think people would have more brains than to do this.
more thoughts on this at a later time.
off to bed.
2:39 AM
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left behind
all the hype about the multiplication is slowly but surely dying down, and i still don't know where i'm going next year. thanks alot. parents are at adam, but there are alot of other factors that affect my decision.
1) acjc application. i'm still not sure whether i'll be in next year. admission test on 6th dec. and i'll know within a week. meaning that i'll know after camp on the 13th. thanks alot for giving me less than 3 weeks to decide my entire future for the next year or so ahead. grrr.
2) whether i'm staying back in z1. it's pending my acjc application, lest i cannot cope with the transition into another school and all. rahhhh. so annoying. so that's not within my control too!!!
3) where i am going to be next year: adam / pl. this decision is only to be made after i clear the first two issues!!! and so it all starts from the application to acjc. rahhh.
i'm starting to panic cos i feel i don't have enough time to think it through. i feel i don't have enough time to throughly sort out my thoughts; to pick my fragmented pieces of the puzzle out of the maelstrom spinning madly that is time.
it all goes back to whether i trust God's hand or not. whether i will let Him guide me through all these. jer 29:11 has become etched in my heart across recent weeks. to have faith in that promise, and see it through knowing God has the best in mind for me is the challenge ever so daunting.
and then there are other issues to settle. i think i'm going to let go of it. it's slowly but surely killing me. i'm holding on too much... aren't i? i think i am.
if you'd be honest and say what you mean
you know i would promise i'd do anything
cos i know that without you
i'm giving it away
you know i would promise i'd do anything
cos i know that without you
i'm giving it away
1:15 AM
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Thursday, November 16, 2006
buzzword for camp
been pooling alot these days. with kf, chet, eugene, lenice, joanna teo, clem, tim. rahhh. i think i'm going broke.
i don't blog much. so don't expect updates if you've just come here from eugene's blog. haha.
been asking God about camp and next year. alot of decisions lie ahead, and i'm still not sure where my future lies, really. but i know that He'll take me through whatever comes. and yeah, people are sad that friends are going to the centre that they're not. but i do question whether distance can destroy a friendship. are we so fixated on our own spaces that anywhere outside our boundary or comfort zone cannot be reached? are those areas we do not explore those we never will? are things in those areas of grey things we never want to see again?
i believe that true friendships stand the test of time. be it pl or adam, if the friendship is true, and God-centered, it will last. that's what i've learnt at least. that if God's not the centre of a relationship, it often ends up going wrong somewhere.
and God's given me a word to pray over and think through for camp. there's just an excitement that exudes from the birthing of something you know God has orchestrated. i truly hope we will emerge that new generation...
hmmm. going out with sis tmr. then chalet across the weekend till tues...
might i remind new readers not the judge based on blogs because blogs are very deceptive. i can make you think i am something i am not by typing the way i do. for more proof, contrast this to this.
10:53 PM
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Sunday, November 12, 2006
love you? tell me how.
title adapted off a short story.
talked to jo last night after she disappeared to god-knows-where and refused to tell me and scared the living daylights out of me. sis says i wasn't being overly protective or whatever. so there. hello, she called me saying she's home at like, 12:30am?!?! sighh. and cow was like, it's singapore. what could happen. -.- it's still not safe la.
talked about stuff until 2ish, 3 thereabouts. went to sleep cos we had d&d today. during the phone call, i guess certain issues propped up and i'm just deeply unsettled. i don't know, but my value system's something i hold on to more than most things. and when i don't agree with stuff people do, there's bound to be conflict.
and where does one draw the line saying "this is more than i can take"?
i've been thinking - love isn't just about loving one part or aspect of the person. it's not just looks, beliefs, values, or any other single attribute. it's accepting the whole person - flaws, imperfections, and all.
i want to hold on. really. believe me when i say i do. but i don't know if i can.
i guess i'll just pray and let God take control. i have no idea where this is going nor do i know where it's leading. but i know that He has plans for me; plans to prosper me and not to harm me; plans to give me a hope and a future. and in that future, i hope you'll be in it.
that someday it will lead me back to you ;
10:27 PM
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